Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
