I wanna bring you to show and tell
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
