Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
