i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
