she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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