Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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