All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
