We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
