I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
