Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
