When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
being pregnant is like rehab
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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