So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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