i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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