Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
