what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
