No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize