I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize