ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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