That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
