I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
