Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
