you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
