If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
