WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
