She announced her abortion via fbk
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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