oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
