shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
