So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
