Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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