do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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