I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
