I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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