I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
why didn't you poke me back
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
