i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize