had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
