after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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