She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize