the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Drake has all the answers
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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