I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
so much tequila, so little girl.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
