so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
pray to the hookup gods
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
