thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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