Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
