Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
