he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
