If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
