You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
