Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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