I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
