I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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