So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize