Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize