Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
high people should be assigned attendants
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she told me i tasted like america
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
