Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
