How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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