So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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