yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
