My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize