im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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