a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
