dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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