How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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