Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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