just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Drunk is a universal language darling
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize