She said her name was "party"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
