Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
