I showed him my bush... on skype.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
