The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
