There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
