If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So much rum. So many feels.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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