Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Randomize
